Relative being dumped by family

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Action on Elder Abuse 2 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #18653 Reply

    Julia Pollitt

    Last Friday my brother in law asked to meet me and my husband at a pub. He said he wanted to talk about my husbands sister. We don’t see much of them, but we had noticed she was acting strangely for a number of years. My husband and his sister would not as her partner what was wrong with their sister. Her partner has just had a 3 way heart by pass operation. He said, and these were his exact words. “Your sister has dementia. I don’t want to be with her anymore, do you want her” he was completely emotionless and said it as though she were a business deal.

    Myself my husband and his sister were shocked, as you can imagine. Finding out what was wrong with here and then asked, do you want her! My own circumstances are that my husband has dementia and we have no spare rooms to look after someone. His other sister has a husband who is terminally ill.

    He then told us that he had LPA and said her income was about £1,800 per month. I asked him if he knew what care homes cost and he seemed not to know. He then proceeded to tell us she had no short term memory, she couldn’t look after herself, drive, use a phone. The evening went down hill quickly. As he was leaving he said. “Are you going to phone her and tell her it’s all over”. We were shocked by this too. We feel hes upto no good. He als appears to have involved her in his property business. And has re mortgaged her house to buy more property for his company

    All the alarm bells are ringing in my head that something terrible is going to happen and we can do nothing about it. Can anyone help me please? Thank you

  • #18675 Reply

    Thank you for your enquiry. We are sorry to hear about the circumstances that you have described and would advise to raise an adult safeguarding alert. This term is used by social services to investigate abuse or neglect of a vulnerable and elderly person. Their details can be found on the local authority’s website where your husband’s sister resides. A safeguarding alert can be raised anonymously. In regards to the Lasting Power of Attorney and the financial/property concerns you mentioned, you can discuss that with the Office of the Public Guardian. They investigate concerns, if an attorney is not acting in the best interest of the person that they are responsible for. The Office of the Public Guardian Safeguarding Unit details: 0115 934 2777. We hope this information is helpful and the situation is resolved as soon as possible.

  • #18682 Reply

    Julia Pollitt

    Hi, thanks for your reply. I understand what you are saying. But at this present moment I have no actual proof. I am in the process of trying to find out more info about his business etc. I thought in the first instance I want to try and get an appointment with her GP. Do you think the GP will agree to see me and her other sister. Or will it just be,sorry I can’t discuss it, it’s patient confidentiality?

    We’ve only got her partners word for her having dementia. When I asked him when he had last seen her GP he said it was over 6 months ago. That didn’t ring true either.

    • #19243 Reply


      With regards to seeing your grandmother’s GP – we suggest writing a letter or perhaps giving your grandmother’s GP a call explaining the current circumstances and if there is a possibility that he/she could make contact with your grandmother, possibly a home visit. Your grandmother’s GP may raise safeguarding alert also if he or she has concerns. Do bear in mind your grandmother would have to engage with social services. Unfortunately, no authority will be able to intervene unless she is willing to accept help. We can understand how frustrating this is but sometimes have to allow our loved ones to make unwise decisions even if we think they are wrong in doing so.

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