My brother abusing my grandmother

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Action on Elder Abuse 3 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #17960 Reply


    This has been going on for so long I don’t know where to turn to. My mum and older brother who is 27 have been living with my granny since he was born, my mother loves my brother more than anything and he let’s him take advantage of them. My mum is OK with it bit my granny isn’t even though she let’s on it’s OK because he has her scared/used to it. Any time he’s in a bad mood he shoots at them threatens them, he gets in trouble in the local community which has people harassing my granny because of it. My brother is on the dole but saves all his money but takes the little money of granny she has to get himself stuff, he makes her buy him and his girlfriend take aways every night and anything he needs he gets my granny to buy it, pet food for his animals (which he forces her to buy) tvs, PlayStations basically everything. He has everything in his room massive 3D TV, all the new games consoles, Ipads, laptop’s phones all of which they buy for him while my granny and mum cm have a tiny TV my uncle bought them and they can never get themselves anything. My granny only has a small 2 bedroom bungalow but she shares her bed with my mum in a small room because my brother and his girlfriend took the other room. My granny is constantly scared he is going to go off the handle but she is so brainwashed by him she refuses to let me help, and my mum is even worse because she thinks its all OK and normal. My grandmother has had a very tragic life and has mild learning disabilities and all I dream for is for her to live her final years happy. But what can I do if they are too worried too do anything if I go to social services my mum will just say I’m lieing and everything is OK and my granny will go along with it. What options do I have left do I have to just accept my granny is going to be miserable for the rest of her life

  • #18112 Reply

    We are sorry to hear about the situation that you describe, this must be very distressing for you to witness. There are a few suggestions that we can make.
    We would advice that you discuss your concerns with your Grandmother and explain why you think you should report these circumstances to social services or other agencies.

    Despite your reservations about contacting social services your grandmother is a victim of domestic abuse, she is also a vulnerable adult with a learning disability and you should think about raising an adult safeguarding alert. This the term used by Social Services when concerns are raised about an elderly adult who may be at risk of abuse or neglect. The Adult Safeguarding Team have a duty to protect vulnerable adults. You can find the details for the Adult Safeguarding department in the local authority’s website where your mother resides.

    Safeguarding alerts can be raised anonymously so you do not have to give any of your own personal details. Please provide all necessary information in relation to the abuse so that the officer dealing with your safeguarding alert can explore all areas of concern.

  • #18650 Reply


    Sorry for the late reply, I have spoke to my granny and she refuses to let me help. She is so used to it she thinks she has to do what he says and if I contact safe guarding and they come out and my mum and granny says it’s alright nothing would happen but my brother would take it all out on my mum and granny. I feel like I’m going insane because no one nows how bad it is. Sometimes I just feel like letting it Continue because my granny refuses to let me help her and just accepts what’s going on but then I realise how miserable my granny really is. Is there away for social services to remove him even if my granny says it’s OK he’s there if they know what is going on and they see how miserable and unfair it is on her and she is just accepting of the of it because she is used to it. My granny is basically a slave and it really annoys me she refuses to change things I think he has her mind messed up over the years or he done something I don’t know about. I just want him out of her bungalow because I know how it is all going to play out If social services call and nothing is done my granny will deal with the consequences

  • #18673 Reply

    We are sorry to hear about the circumstances that you have described. This must be very distressing for you to witness. Sometimes we want the best for our loved ones, but unfortunately they don’t have the same perception as we do. It seems your nan doesn’t deem the relationship as an abusive one. This is what can lead to frustration, as we probably know there is a way to resolve a situation but can’t get them to see things from our own point of view. And so, have to allow them to make their own decision albeit may not be the best. The difficulty in this situation is that the authorities – adult social services and the police are unable to intervene unless the older person agrees that the situation constitutes abuse or accepts help. The only exception is when the victim lacks mental capacity. The advice that we give in such situations is to try to explain your concerns to the person and build their self esteem so that they feel worthy of support – sometimes people feel that the path of least resistance is the only option they can cope with in family disputes.
    We hope that this information was of some help.

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