Financial Abuse by "friend"

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Action on Elder Abuse 5 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #12667 Reply

    Chloe

    Hi,

    My grandfather has a friend who seems to be really involved with anything to do with my grandparents financial matters. My grandparents are currently in the process of selling assets and their home so that they are able to fund their places at a care home.

    My grandfather met this “friend” who restored some antiques for him a couple of years ago. We have since seen the restoration work he does and it is incredibly low quality, devaluing my grandparents assets. The man has since grown closer and closer to my Grandfather. My mum, who’s their daughter in law as my dad died years ago, was helping my Grandparents with every day things like shopping, visiting them and making sure they were OK. She then went away on holiday and when she came back, my grandfather told her not to come anymore as the new friend had taken over. At first we thought it was ok, but it soon started to ring alarm bells when we noticed that he was trying to convince my grandfather to sell everything through him and started telling stories about my Mum being unhelpful and that she was a liar etc.

    He has been abusive to my mum, shouting abuse at her, threatening her with the Police and being generally aggressive.

    Since my grandparents have moved into care, the family (myself, brother and mum), took charge of their flat to help them clear it ready to sell, moving items to their care home and getting their assets ready for sale so they could pay their care home fees, despite the friend constantly badgering my grandfather to let him do it and asking for keys to their home. My mum then went on holiday and whilst she was away, the man had managed to convince my grandad to give him keys and had cleared the flat. Most of the items did go to an auction house, however, my grandparents had numerous unaccounted for possessions that had gone missing. We have tried to push them to go to the Police but my grandfather doesn’t want the bother.

    The friend also repeatedly asks about my grandparents will and has asked about my Mothers power of attorney, which seems odd. My grandparents have also recently sold their flat, but this friend is now getting involved and has threatened the estate agents with solicitors as they won’t give him keys. He visits my grandfather and tell him manipulative stories, driving a wedge between us and them and then says he will help them sell the flat even though it has sold.

    We really don’t know what to do, the Police have said it is a civil matter as my grandfather trusts this man but his behavior is driving a huge wedge in the family and we want to make sure my grandparents are protected. Is there anything we can do?

  • #12861 Reply

    We understand that it is very distressing to witness the impact of manipulative behaviour on a loved one especialy when this affects family ties. The action that we always suggest is to try to explain to the older person why you are so concerned, to reassure them that they are not alone, that they do not have to continue with the current situation and that you will support them in any action they choose to take
    It is important that any family members / friends continue to remain in contact with the elder person. This shows the alleged perpetrator the elder person is not alone and family are close by to provide support and watch out for any concerning behaviour.

    It is definitely an advantage that an LPA has been granted to your mother as she will be able to keep an eye on your grandparents financial affairs. However as your grandfather retains mental capacity and has built a relationship with this friend, it would be difficult to come in between this due to this being an informed choice he has made to continue engaging with this man.
    Therefor it is expected that the authorities won’t be able to intervene as your grandfather doesn’t perceive the situation to be an abusive one and so aren’t willing to offer any support / investigate further.

  • #12862 Reply

    We understand that it is very distressing to witness the impact of manipulative behaviour on a loved one especialy when this affects family ties. The action that we always suggest is to try to explain to the older person why you are so concerned, to reassure them that they are not alone, that they do not have to continue with the current situation and that you will support them in any action they choose to take
    It is important that any family members / friends continue to remain in contact with the elder person. This shows the alleged perpetrator the elder person is not alone and family are close by to provide support and watch out for any concerning behaviour.

    It is definitely an advantage that an LPA has been granted to your mother as she will be able to keep an eye on your grandparents financial affairs. However as your grandfather retains mental capacity and has built a relationship with this friend, it would be difficult to come in between this due to this being an informed choice he has made to continue engaging with this man.
    Therefor it is expected that the authorities won’t be able to intervene as your grandfather doesn’t perceive the situation to be an abusive one and so aren’t willing to offer any support / investigate further.

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