Carer taking advantage

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Robert 1 year, 2 months ago.

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  • #5446 Reply


    I’m not sure if this is an abuse situation or not and would like some advice.
    I have an elderly female relative (lets call her Ethel) who until recently has lived alone, with help from a neighbour, whom my mother (also elderly) has been paying to go in and help with medication / meals etc,. My mother does not live nearby so cannot visit often and it was re-assuring to know that someone was looking in on Ethel.
    The standard of care was poor in my opinion, neglectful even, and I tried to get professional carers in, but to no avail.
    Now Ethel has moved into a care home, but the neighbour is still being paid (the same amount) by my mother as she visits Ethel and lets my mother know how she is settling in in the home, acting as a sort of go-between.
    I don’t feel that this is ethical at all, and I think the neighbour is manipulating my mother into giving her money for something that should be offered for free. Surely once someone is in residential care, there is no need to pay another carer also?
    The money being paid is quite a large weekly sum, but my mother sees nothing wrong with handing over this money. I think the neighbour is playing on her insecurities. My mother is very proud and independent and won’t want to see herself as old and vulnerable in this situation that she feels in control of. What can i do?

  • #5454 Reply

    If there are concerns regarding the manipulation of an older person (but the older person retains mental capacity and is able to make their own decision), the action we always suggest is to try to explain why you are so concerned.

    Unless the older person agrees to accept help and perceives the situation to be an abusive one, it is very difficult for authorities such as the Police and Adult Social Services to intervene. The exception would be where the victim lacks mental capacity.

    It may be an idea to suggest to your mother that she directly makes contact with the care home on a weekly basis to obtain updates about Ethel’s progress.
    This way she remains informed, but doesn’t need to continue paying the carer for unnecessary services.
    You could attempt to enlist the support of any of your mothers friends or relatives in talking to you mother about your concerns.


  • #5601 Reply


    I would like to express an opinion from the other side of the coin to Kay about ‘it should be offered for free’ – in an ideal world yes, but what is the situation of the person doing the visiting, we are not told?

    My mother was recently in a similar position, going into a home, and in order to provide her with continuity, visitors, and so that she did not feel isolated in her new environment – we paid for her private care support team to go and visit her from time to time. We paid per visit, not a weekly amount, and it was a relatively small amount, which my mother could easily afford. Mum very much appreciated the visits and said it is so nice to see I have not been forgotten ……….

    My sister thought it was wrong to pay, I thought it was money well spent ……… Mum enjoyed the company!

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