advice required

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Action on Elder Abuse 4 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #14495 Reply

    elaine willis

    my mother-in-law is 81 years old and was widowed a year ago She is deaf as she had meningitis as a child and is very vulnerable .She was left comfortable and we have arranged with the council to get her equipment to allow her to live at home, we also pay for am alarm for her to press so we can attend if she has an emergency.
    My brother-in-law had returned home from his girlfriends in Newcastle so he could have an operation last year before his dad died , he told them that he couldn’t get the NHS service in Newcastle ,and they believed him.
    when his dad died he remained at the family home , he never pays anything towards his keep he has broadband connected but he doesn’t pay for it , he goes back to Newcastle very so often , we believe to under go PIP assessments , he refuses to sign on , he refuses to move out .
    My husband goes up there every day to see she is ok and has everything and myself and my daughter go up twice a week to take her shopping ,or what ever she needs .
    She understands he is taking the micky but her view is he is my son I cant throw him out but today my husband found her crying as he has now begun to demand money and we don’t know what to do , can we report it to the police ? adult safeguarding ? If she tells hi to go and he refuses what can we do ?
    any advice gratefully received

  • #14771 Reply

    You ask if it would be appropriate to raise an adult safeguarding alert? We would suggest doing so in the hope that the elderly person may recognise the abuse and wish to do something about it if an external authority attempts to intervene. It is understandable that this may be a difficult decision for your mother-in-law to make due to the emotional attachment and maternal instincts she has for her son.

    When a victim retains mental capacity – the ability to make decisions in their own best interests – the authorities will want to establish whether the individual believes that there is a problem and will not be able to pursue a case when the individual themselves states that everything is fine.
    We understand that people can sometimes be subjected to coercion and be pressured into making decisions that favour others over themselves. Such situations are very distressing for concerned family members and friends to observe. The advice that we give in such situations is to try to explain your concerns to this person and build their self esteem so that they feel worthy of support.

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